It seemed like a good idea at the time. I had this great idea that after I drop the munchkin off at preschool for the morning I would put in some serious time playing poker. It would be going fine if I could figure out what the hell is happening to me in my Heads Up matches. Now, I know it is the lowest limit of O/8 that I can play on FullTillt but I have had the most awful run of cards I have seen lately and I can't even blame it on going up limits to quickly, which is usually when I crash and burn. I really haven't looked over my hands in PokerTracker to see if I am playing like the donkey I feel I have been. The second best everything hitting the call button when I know I should fold, OH POKER GODS WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!!!!! Alright I may be getting a bit dramatic and it's not like I have even taken a huge chunk out of my roll, It just sucks!!! I have made back about half of what I lost all week in one huge hand playing .05/.10 PLO. I flopped the nut straight but without any good redraws and I knew exactly what the other guy had but I couldn't fold, he had all of the redraws and for once this week they didn't get there for him. I guess it made up for some of the other suck outs I was on the other end of the rest of the week. I could share with you all of the bad beats but it still seems to surreal to me right now. I would still like to take the few hours I have alone at the house on those morning to turn this poker thing into a profitable side thing or maybe I'll just take up something safe like day trading ;)
On a side note all of this has made me think about my life in a way that you would think I hit bottom from an addiction and have started on my twelve steps. It's not quite that bad but I will share with you all when I have a better handle on whatever it is that I am going through. Work, life, poker and my own inner voice all need a serious revamp and I may have to go to a professional for help. I have suffered from a severe identity crisis before, not just once a few times, but I feel I have a bunch more on the line at this point in my life to go through this on my own. My wife will support me in anything that I want to do and I love her for it more then she probably knows but I need an objective eye to help me lift the curtain on whatever it is that is gnawing at me.