Monday, September 3, 2007


The letter B and V are very confusing when speaking Spanish. En EspaƱol they are pronounce so close I have played the "Beh" "Veh" game with the Spanish speaking crew at work more than once. That is after this week of playing online I am going to call what I have gone through VITCH.
We all say that variance is a bitch so why not shorten it. You would think from this post that I continued on the downward cycle but I finally made it all back. I understand that it is part of the process and I would like to say that the downside of variance doesn't effect my play, but damn does it shake my confidence. I feel that every move that I make is wrong and it goes back to when you are running bad you are probably not playing as bad as you think and when you are running good you are probably not playing as well as you think. I think I was still playing smart but I never would have guess. I won it all back and am no worst off today then I was last Monday but it was definitely was a vitch of a week.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Hard Way to Make a Easy Living

It seemed like a good idea at the time. I had this great idea that after I drop the munchkin off at preschool for the morning I would put in some serious time playing poker. It would be going fine if I could figure out what the hell is happening to me in my Heads Up matches. Now, I know it is the lowest limit of O/8 that I can play on FullTillt but I have had the most awful run of cards I have seen lately and I can't even blame it on going up limits to quickly, which is usually when I crash and burn. I really haven't looked over my hands in PokerTracker to see if I am playing like the donkey I feel I have been. The second best everything hitting the call button when I know I should fold, OH POKER GODS WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!!!!! Alright I may be getting a bit dramatic and it's not like I have even taken a huge chunk out of my roll, It just sucks!!! I have made back about half of what I lost all week in one huge hand playing .05/.10 PLO. I flopped the nut straight but without any good redraws and I knew exactly what the other guy had but I couldn't fold, he had all of the redraws and for once this week they didn't get there for him. I guess it made up for some of the other suck outs I was on the other end of the rest of the week. I could share with you all of the bad beats but it still seems to surreal to me right now. I would still like to take the few hours I have alone at the house on those morning to turn this poker thing into a profitable side thing or maybe I'll just take up something safe like day trading ;)

On a side note all of this has made me think about my life in a way that you would think I hit bottom from an addiction and have started on my twelve steps. It's not quite that bad but I will share with you all when I have a better handle on whatever it is that I am going through. Work, life, poker and my own inner voice all need a serious revamp and I may have to go to a professional for help. I have suffered from a severe identity crisis before, not just once a few times, but I feel I have a bunch more on the line at this point in my life to go through this on my own. My wife will support me in anything that I want to do and I love her for it more then she probably knows but I need an objective eye to help me lift the curtain on whatever it is that is gnawing at me.