Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Taking Control

I have found that I have been in too many situations in my adult life that I have not had control of what was happening to me. For whatever reason I have suffered on the delusion that if I did what was expected of me or even if I didn't the awesomeness that was me would show through and I would be elevated to whatever stature that I felt should be bestowed upon me. Needless to say I have suffered from some serious disappointments.

I was always fortunate that things came to me easily as a child, school, friends, my music, alright not everything, I always had horrible handwriting even from a very young age, which prompt my first grade teacher to tell my mother I would never amount to much if I didn't fix it (can you imagine) and the one and only summer Iplayed little league was probably the most traumatic of my life. I breezed through school, I got into the only college I applied to, I got into the school musicals, I played lead sax in the jazz band, and I was drum major for the marching band. All of this really came to me without much effort I just did it and it happened. Needless to say once I got out of school and the real world came crashing in on me things didn't always happened the way they did in the past. I have been passed up for promotions, didn't get jobs I thought I was over qualified for, or just wouldn't get the interviews.

I have found myself in another one of these bad type of situations once again at work an it has lead to a bit of soul searching on my part. I have questioned what has allowed me to be in this type of situation and what I could do to change this pattern in my life. At 40 years old you would think I would have learned, being that I have been working as a responsible adult for almost half of my life and really don't have much to show for other than a rather diverse resume.

I do believe that I may have been the type of person that should have worked for himself and not have to deal with a boss or back stabbing co-workers. I have had many interesting and fun jobs that I have felt very fulfilled doing, but nothing has stuck or I have been on the short end of the stick with the higher ups. I finally decide that I am to old to be dealing with this Bullshit and pushed my hand at work. I guess playing sitn'go type poker has crept into my daily life.

I tend to play sitn'gos with patience in the first few levels, pick my spots but wait until a couple of guys get knocked out before making my moves. The only thing that is that I think is that I pushed a work with a short stack on the bubble it even though I have survived I really didn't add that much to my stack. Poker has help realize that the best type of poker played is the best way to lead one's life. Tight Aggressive play works in most all situations. I have waited through a few levels here but now it has come to push all in or get blinded out of a job. Just like in a tournament I would rather go out when I push with the best of it and got out flopped than sit around until I am felted with a 7 2 off suit.

I think I have a few more rounds to play before I have to push, but my stack is starting to dwindle and patience is going to pay off. Even inaction is taking some sort of action but I would rather be seen a person forcing then action then having it take me over. I think this maybe my new philosophy in life as I have tried for it to be in poker.

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